36M 33F, have been dating two years. Smart, attractive, very aligned in a number of ways but there is not a week (sometimes days) go by where I am not doing something enough, doing it wrong, etc. It's not small things like putting a dish away etc, more deeper things. Trying to understand if these things she's mad about are what you would consider customary or if they're red flags. Just doesn't feel good to be walking on eggshells.
- Hanging out with a friend of mine, mad I didn't see her text until we were done.
- Wasn't paying enough attention to her while we were all out to dinner with friends (multiple times).
- Mad I didn't want to kiss her on the lips when she was sick.
- Mad that I didn't want to get coffee with her one day as I had plans to do something else.
-In a nightclub she said something and I didn't hear her, upset about it (multiple times).
-At a friends playing video games, she came in and expected me to pause the game, get up and hug/kiss her.
- Never enough words of affirmation (you're beautiful, smart etc).
-Mad we don't spend more time together even though we both work full time and live apart (already see each other 3-5 days per week) and that it's I don't want to see her.
- multiple times in fights said "you don't even like me, it seems like you don't care about me, or you're not doing that because you don't want to see me"
A lot seems to stem from trauma and not enough nurturing growing up which I think she realizes but doesn't make an effort to change. She says she doesn't feel as emotionally connected to me as she wants which is the reason behind these, and I've asked a million times what I can do and never get a clear answer. Really care about her, have made changes to help her feel more love/connected and have been going to couples therapy, but it's not getting better.
